Well Jerry even though it's still very painful and a lot to deal with I am encouraged, It seems you are making steps in the right direction.... thinking more clearly... and you are right a person is not their self when they give in to the temptation of sin... they are out of the will of God... and therefore the consequence of sin has it's effect.....
You are now a follower of Jesus... You have ALL you need!
You have us also... LOL! But really... When I saw my Brothers in Christ Jesus come in here, to Pray for you and share their Life and share Hope they have.. Man I am Blessed by such Love.. my words can't describe.
Jerry in my Spiritual view we are in a raging battle field on the earth and when a Brother gets wounded or is down... we will run to his side... surround and protect him from the enemy.. tend to his wounds and Most importantly get him to our Father God!!!
Put on The Whole Armor Of God!
10 Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. 11 Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. 12 For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. 13 Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. 14 Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, 15 and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. 16 In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. 17 Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.
18 And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests. With this in mind, be alert and always keep on praying for all the Lord’s people.